Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
