there was a trapeze. enough said
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
