I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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