today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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