Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
