mondays should just be called national damage control day
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
