I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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