A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
