when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
