Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
