Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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