Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
