i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
