Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
