SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
