Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
