um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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