since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
