I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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