I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
