somebody snuck up and got me drunk
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
