The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
