She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
