Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He felt like a one man threesome
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
