i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
