Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
