i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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