im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
