dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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