Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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