then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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