I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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