How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
