I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
