He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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