matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
