I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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