Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
