Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
