Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
