I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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