clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
