I hate your face
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
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