I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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