I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
