totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
