laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
