I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My pussy is not your playground.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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