my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
