i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
