I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
