you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
